Tuesday, January 1, 2019

Happy New Year! Here Is My Story !

Happy New Year! I am embarrassed about what I’m about to say happened to me in 2018. I’ve done some things I’m not proud of, and it all started with my carpal tunnel surgery in the year 2016 and did not come back to full strength like other surgeries should and I kept going back to the hand doctor and he kept telling me I am one in 1 million. It was so frustrating I sank into a deep depression, by April 2017 I’ve was referred to a specialist in Boston and he basically looked to see if the surgeon did anything that would have prevented it to heal correctly and there was and so he really had no explanation. In June 2017 I finally got a diagnosis after going to an arthritis clinic in New Hampshire, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia/ degenerative disc disease/arthritis it was nice to finally have a diagnosis. At that time my husband started an online business and I gave my blessing but on the inside I really needed him and I turned to other men online to talk to turn it into more online. That summer I ended up going to a mental health IOP program to kind to help me figure out what I needed to do with my life but at that time I was dead set on going to Egypt looking at it now it seemed crazy. 

After one month of IOP I had not made any progress so I started outpatient counseling. In the meantime, my husband was there for me but I was moving further away from him because I was unhappy with our intimacy in our life that had finally got fed up with over 18 years later. I kept moving to different men online after that and then January 2018 I did something that I didn’t think I would ever do but I cheated on my husband and slept with another man; I was so embarrassed afterward that I told my husband he stayed with me and I continued with my counseling and medication by April 2018 we wanted a fresh start so we moved to the Eastern shore of Maryland. Where he worked nights and I had plenty of free time on my hands and my infidelity just snowballed more where I met a man that was younger than me which I developed feelings for and it was mutual with him. In August 2018 my husband came home early and I was caught with this man in our bed. By September 2018 he came back to Maine with me, my husband and moved me back and we have been separated ever since. I have continued my relationship with the man and Maryland and we are dating currently; my husband and I are still friends but I know we will be separating permanently with the divorce this year as of done things that I made the choice to do and I’m not to make any excuses for what I did. 

 So this year 2019 I am looking to heal myself inside, love myself, figure out what I want to do in my life, I want to move back to the Eastern shore attend the church that I love so much, make memories with my boyfriend there and enjoy better winters, maybe start my own public relations firm and get a few clients, travel and just enjoy the rest of my life.

I was just reading The Confident Woman Devotional Joyce Meyers and she has a great quote for today
as was true to the 12 disciples, you are full of capabilities, gifts, and talents. God’s enablement of his grace and presence is with you. So what are you doing with your life? Are you like the 11 disciples who stayed in the bow, or you like Peter, who when Jesus was passing by said: “Lord, I want to walk on the water with you!” Do you have a vision for your life and want to do something greater than what you’re doing? Are you going to just sit in the boat and shaking quake and watch the rest of the world go by, or will you be one of those rare individuals who jumps out of the boat and refuses to live afraid? It’s up to you what you going to do with your life. Fear is always going to come against you. But listen to Jesus's word: “take courage! I am! Stop being afraid!” Is time to step out and do the things you desire to do. The other quote alike from Joyce and I’m gonna say this every morning when I get up is today is going to be a good day, this year is gonna be a good year.

I wrote this for me I know not everybody that reads my blog might agree with what I did and what happened but please don’t put anything negative for in the comments.

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